


But I Love You

by 17swonwoo



Category: Buzz (Korea Band), Super Junior, 아는 형님 | Knowing Bros | Ask Us Anything
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Character, Gay, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 01:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13625478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17swonwoo/pseuds/17swonwoo
Summary: Boyfriends Kim Heechul and Min Kyunghoon have a serious problem. How can they carry on with their careers and maintain their love lives at the same time?





	But I Love You

"We can't keep doing this."

 

Heechul's head perked up from under the duvet, surprised to hear the husky, tired voice of the person lying next to him. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and turned to the other man in the bed. “Doing what?”

 

“You know what I mean, Kim Heechul,” Kyunghoon grumbled. “I know you read the tabloids. I know you see all the people making lewd comments and — and speculating about us. If information leaked, if news about us left this room, left this  _ bed  _ even, we’d both be ruined. Do you not know that?”

 

“Good morning to you, too.” Heechul sat up, propping himself up against the slightly deflated pillows. Kyunghoon followed suit, picking up his shirt from the floor and swiftly pulling it over his head. “And for your information, I do know that.”

 

“Then why do we keep doing this? Why do we make it worse?”

 

Picking up his phone, Heechul pressed the home button and began to skim through his hundreds of notifications. Frustration growing in his chest, he disregarded Kyunghoon. “Don’t ask pointless questions.”

 

Kyunghoon took Heechul by the wrist and pulled his arm away, taking his phone out of his line of sight. “You think that’s pointless? This is a problem, Heechul. We need to stop.”

 

“Yes, it is pointless,” Heechul replied, yanking his arm out of Kyunghoon’s grip. “We both know why we keep doing this.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“Ugh, you’re so selfish. You just want me to praise you, huh?” Heechul got up and started pacing back and forth across his bedroom. “We keep doing this because I have feelings for you, Kyunghoon. We keep doing this because I am  _ in love  _ with you. Have you stopped loving me?”

 

Kyunghoon sighed dejectedly. “Of course I haven’t. I love you, Heechul. I just...it’s so dangerous. And...and practically everyone we know is in love with you. All our friends think you’re cute. Why did you choose me? Why did you look at me and think, ‘Ah, yes. A jaded 33-year-old who I work with on a regular basis. I’m going to fall in love with him!’?”

 

“That’s not how it works, bastard. If you need me to boost your ego even more, I fell for you because of how not-obsessed-with-me you are.”

 

“And you say I’m selfish?” Kyunghoon chuckled.

 

“Shut up. You’ve seen the way some people fawn over me. It’s annoying.”

 

Silence hung over the room for a moment, as both men realized this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Heechul took a deep breath, then spoke again.

 

“What do you want to happen, Kyunghoon? Say the word and it’s yours.”

 

Kyunghoon hesitated, running his fingers through his messy hair. He furrowed his brow in thought, but his mind pulled a blank. “I...don’t know.”

 

“You don’t?”

 

“No. Because...okay, hear me out. I have two ideal worlds in my head. Two outcomes.”

 

Heechul looked at the younger man in mild confusion, but did not interject. He just listened to him.

 

“One of them is that...we stop this for good. We agree to end the romance and we carry on with our lives. We stop all the flirty stuff on the show. The tabloids stop paying attention to us. We die as nothing but friends and this secret stays between you and me forever.”

 

Heechul nodded. Kyunghoon’s words stung, but he said nothing.

 

“But the other one is...we continue this. I get to devote myself to you forever. I face the fact that you’re the only man I can ever love and we announce it to the world. We allow ourselves to live. We realize that our relationship doesn’t define us or limit us. Super Junior continues to succeed, the show continues to succeed, and we continue to love each other. When we’re dead, people will remember us as ‘the fools who loved each other so much.’”

 

Heechul bit his lip, unable to speak. He didn’t want to cry in front of Kyunghoon at this moment, so he decided to joke instead. “Why do they both end with death, Hoonie?”

 

Kyunghoon giggled. “Shut up.”

 

“I like how the second one sounds,” Heechul said, void of anything smart to say.

 

“I knew you would.”

 

Heechul took a moment to think, then walked up in front of his boyfriend again. “I know how we decide this.”

 

“Then tell me. I’d love to stop worrying.”

 

The older man closed his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I’m gonna do what I do with everyone I like. Because you’re just that, right? Someone I like.”

 

“Oh god…” Kyunghoon grumbled.

 

“If you want this to continue, Min Kyunghoon...kiss me. If you don’t...I’ll obviously know. Okay?”

 

Kyunghoon nodded, but then realized Heechul couldn’t see. “Okay,” he said in a weak voice. He bit on the nail of his left thumb, assessing everything that their relationship would affect in the future. If they went through with this, it was possible that nothing would ever be the same. If only they weren’t in the public eye, if only they had privacy, if only they had a single moment to breathe without cameras flashing…if only...

 

Min Kyunghoon approached Heechul and put his hands around his waist, pressing his lips to the older man’s softly. A smile grew on Heechul’s face, and Hoon couldn’t help but smile, too.

 

“I can’t stand the idea of leaving you,” Kyunghoon whispered, burying his face in Heechul’s sleep shirt.

 

Heechul pulled away and looked down at his lover. He stroked Kyunghoon’s messy hair, apprehensive of his own bliss. “We’ll make this work, okay? I promise.”

 

Kyunghoon nodded. “It’s gonna be hard. Really hard. Things could get super messy.”

 

“You’re right. Things have already gotten messy, if we’re honest. There’s gonna be ups and downs, and sometimes it’s gonna seem like there’s a lot more bad times than good, but we can handle that. Because it my opinion, any time spent with you is a good time.”

 

“Mhmm,” Kyunghoon agreed. “I love you, Kim Heechul.”

 

Heechul planted a kiss on the tip of Kyunghoon’s nose. They stayed in the peacefulness together for just a moment, until Heechul’s voice broke the quiet once more. “I love you too, idiot.”

 

And with that, he took off running.

 

“Hey!” Kyunghoon yelled, sprinting through the apartment to find him. However, he knew he couldn’t stay bitter. If he could be Heechul’s idiot, that was good enough for him.


End file.
